32-Bit Sillies
These are a bunch of terrible shitshops (a portmanteau of shitpost and photoshop) and other silly image constructions which I made during light-hearted discussions in the chatgroup of the 32-Bit Café. Sometimes a funny idea pops into my head and I quickly cobble something together for a quick laugh, so they're not necessarily very polished. These were all ephemeral, existing in a specific context, but I have saved a selection of them here since others asked me to do so.
Since these are so context-dependent, I will try to provide some context here, often through chatlogs. The formatting and punctuation of the messages have sometimes been adjusted, out of concern for how screenreaders will read them.
A meta one to start us off! The alleged ‘knock-off’ photoshop I use is GIMP, which many find very cumbersome to use. But it's what I am familiar with.
Joking how I've been at the 32-Bit Café for a long time.
“I don't even remember how I found this spot. I think I've always been here. Like that photo in the ending of The Shining. You know the one.”
Xandra: What if we did a 32-bit ball in a castle?
James: Like a ball pit? Or a dance? Because a castle-sized ball pit sounds pretty cool.
Xandra: Definitely not a ball pit!
Dashcon all over again…
Coby: A ballpit ball dance tho…
A first iteration of the image was made
Xandra: God, you know that smells!
Coby: This is solvable though. Just add some scented candles.
A second iteration was made
Leviathren: You'd need several tons of baking soda to absorb the odor in that room.
Coby: And I added a little trees air freshener too. I think the issue is definitely concluded now. 😎
A final iteration was made
A trend you might notice it that I love to take things too literally, on purpose.
Jay: Also good timezone everyone, I went to the farmers' market today. 🫡
???: What did you get?
Coby: Farmers, presumably.
When Velvet was working on a site redesign:
“Just […] abandon your entire design and typeset your website as a Spongebob title card.
Dang, that actually doesn't even look half-bad!”
Singling out Jay for no reason at all
To sketch some context. Jay, with a Porygon avatar, likes to play DDR at the arcade. DDR means Dance Dance Revolution, but it could also mean… the German Democratic Republic. And an arcade can also be a succession of contiguous arches.
Jay: Gang, I am turning to mush in this empty Rite Aid.
Coby: Oh no! Clean-up on aisle 6. 😦
Jay: Damn, you shopped me into a fancy Rite Aid with updated merchandising.
Coby: Voila, fixed it! Can't find it any older and emptier!
Jay: A world famous Train Spot right here…
Real trainheads know this spot…
(The
Pennsylvania Horseshoe Curve)
(It's not doxxing myself if I have long since passed it and live nowhere
near here)
Coby: So you don't live in the giant plastic Porygon house nearby?
The best part of Porbius was when they said It's Porbin' Time!
and porbed all over those guys.
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation…
“When it all becomes too much, I want you to picture yourself chilling at a dreamcast era glossy-rendered beach.”
Manatee: I'm now imagining a big Porygon being climbed on by toddlers.
Jay: Desperately wish I was a big Porygon irl.
Coby: My mind went to those rocking toys.
Jay: This dog [has] been lovely to everyone in the store except me. Fucked up!!! Why can't I pet her…
Coby: You just gotta be sneaky about it. Really sneaky.
The continuous stream of these edits of course ultimately ends up with a biblically accurate Porygon.
The crowning achievement of this process is probably this video: